You backsliding heifer!! These are the words that I could hear in my mind, not that God was condemning me, for I know that He will convict me but yet I heard this voice in my head. Perhaps it was my own guilt that made my mind call to memory my pastor so famously talking about God calling Israel a "backsliding heifer". Sounds like such harsh words... And then the intriguing part is I was thinking about blogging about this very subject last night and on my way to work this morning but I kinda dismissed the thought thinking maybe that's just not a good idea. BUT, I read a post on FB by my aunt talking about this very thing and felt it must be meant for me to address this, not for just you, but for me too.
You see I have felt like a backsliding heifer. Hard to admit to you. But the truth is we all will at some point in our christian journey. I have made decisions that I knew were not right. I have done things that I know are not honoring to God. We have all done some things that brings dishonor and/or shame, guilt. But I refuse to stay in that backsliding position! I refuse to give the devil my joy. I refuse to wallow in a pity party over my sin! And you should refuse too. Just because we profess christ does not make us perfect. It does not mean we will do things perfectly. It does not mean we will instantly stop all of our wrong habits. But it does mean we have a pruning process to go through. We have some tests to take and if we don't pass the first time, He gives us another chance to get it right. He offers us forgiveness.
My Pastor's message this past Sunday was entitled "They that wait". I have an issue with waiting. I can do good for a while and then comes the POW- a distraction or temptation... and before you know it I can find myself back into old habits. I feel like Paul when he says "For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin." Romans 7:15,18-19,25b ESV
Have you ever felt this way? Maybe you feel this way now? If so, I know how you feel. You get discouraged. You feel like a failure. You feel like "I'll never get it right", "I'll never do things the way God wants me to". My aunt said something that caught my attention when reading her FB post. She said "When He wants her to change fully and truly none of her old habits can stop her. He is not a God of force and when He is ready He will deliver her from all that". She has no idea how her words touched my soul, how her words helped to renew my hope, my confidence in God. We keep fighting a battle that has already been won. I realize that I have got to get my prayer life in order. I'm praying Lord please deliver me from me. Deliver me out of my sinful desires. Deliver me from my mess. Give me a heart for you Lord. Don't give up on me Lord cause I need you like I need my next breath (This is what Tank really needed to have said in his song lol). We forget that God is not a God of force. He is a God of choice. So it is my prayer that you and I will choose more wisely. I hope that we will choose to deny ourselves what we know is not beneficial to us. I Corinthians 10:23 says "Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible, but not everything is constructive". I pray we find what's beneficial to us. I pray that we learn to be a women that wait on the Lord because there is hope. In Ezekiel 37:23 it says "They shall not defile themselves anymore with their idols and their detestable things, or with any of their transgressions. But I will save them from all the backsliding" so reads the Word of God. He says He will save me and you from ALL of our backsliding. So we have to hang in there. My Pastor said on Sunday that David was not crying out to God in pity (Psalm 27:1, 13-14). David was crying out to the ONLY ONE he knew that could help him. Cry out to God. I am.
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